“LOVE” Is Not a ‘Four-Letter Word’ Within or Beyond Schools
Check out the supporting videos on Instagram: Since When Did L*** Become a Four-Letter Word? ; Be(love)d ; What Comes Up When You Hear “Love”? ; How You Love Yourself is Reflected Back In All You Do…Love Yourself . You may also be interested in the Greater Good Science Center research.
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now
Is love, sweet love
No, not just for some, but for everyone”
-Dionne Warwick-
Question - Are you operating in the belief that “love” is considered to be a “four-letter word”?
Really think about this question and notice if this belief is operating in your life (knowingly or unknowingly). If it is, take a moment to validate that it is not your fault—it has become a programmed belief in society—within and beyond schools.
Think about it:
With “f**r-letter words”…
They seem to be unspeakable/taboo: When was the last time you even said the word “love” out loud—not just “I love you”, but literally the word “love”? Notice what environments you have/not used the word.
They are rarely said to ourselves: Have you paused in moments to tell yourself “I love you” or even looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I love you”?
They are overused and lose their meaning: Has the word “love” become an impulsive reaction that is just a filler that is used passively or as a way to describe likes/dislikes?
They are used to manipulate or control: Do you find yourself saying conditional unhealthy love phrases like: "If you loved me, you would..." or "I'm doing this because I love you" to justify control, guilt, or unhealthy attachments?
They seem censored, filtered, and rebellious: Do you censor yourself from saying “love”, do you fear speaking it out loud? Do you feel rebellious when you do say it?
They cause visceral and somatic responses in the body: How does your body react when you say “love” or “I love you”? Does it contract the body or gut, constrict the throat, burn, or feel stuck like other “four-letter words”?
…and even other similarities…
This breaks my heart to even write how our society is repulsed by love.
However, knowing this awareness allows us as heart-centered changemakers
the opportunity to shift the belief and narrative around love.
Love is a fundamental aspect of our lives and is a part of what makes us human.
It personally took me several years to recognize this societal belief operating in my own life, and to take a stand for love to BE love. We can shift the belief and narrative collectively and move from solely an action into a way of being:
YOU ARE LOVE.
Let’s add some math into the equation as this is something that resonates with me as a reminder in my life to share with you:
(Be)Love(d)
Be
Love
Be Love
Be Loved
We are beloved
We are beloved by something beyond our understanding as Beloved (whatever that means to you).
…Even Within Education…
As I have been connecting with several coaching clients lately who work in education, they have been sharing how love feels absent in the world, but especially in schools. Although knowing that every child learns in their own way and is more than a number — pacing guides continue to dictate the speed at which all students must learn, test scores and learning paths are overemphasized to determine success, increasing emotional dysregulation in adults and children spikes impulsivity, heightened stressful environments have become the norm for entire learning communities (especially for educators/leaders), on top of all the division that has been escalating worldwide being reflected in schools. As I hear these stories, it brings me back to a vivid memory as a district-wide climate and social-emotional coach.
A memory of when “love” seemingly became a ‘four-letter word’ in schools.
A memory that then shifted a societal belief and mindset for a teacher (and her students)…
It was on a Friday when I noticed a teacher outside of her classroom. Her brow was furrowed and you could visibly see and feel that she was worried about something or someone. From what I remember, here is how the experience unfolded:
“Is everything okay?” I asked as I approached the teacher.
“I am not sure, my students just went to specials and just before leaving, one of my students said ‘I love you’ to the class. I was not sure how to respond, we do not say that in school and I want to make sure that the student understands that they should say other words like “like” and “enjoy” instead. The other students laughed at them. I was thinking maybe I should tell the social worker, or maybe create a short lesson. Do you have any ideas?”
I paused, as I invite you to do as well, and think about this question yourself.
Notice - What is your operating belief system telling you right now about “love” and schools (and in the world)? Have you ever been in this situation before and how did you respond in the past? Have you/do you say “love” in the community you serve? What about those who are closest to you, does speaking the word “love” come with ease or resistance? Notice what sensations come up in the body when reflecting on this.
Check-in with your HEART:
H - How are your body, breath, emotions, and thoughts right now responding to this situation?
E - Is there anything you can do to change the environment to support this situation?
A - What affirmation can you say to be open to this teacher’s experience and/or a new perspective?
R - How do you choose to respond in this moment?
T - After your response, take a moment to reflect to see how you or the experience transformed because you followed your heart.
I am guessing that your current belief may be in agreement with this teacher’s initial response of avoiding using the word “love” in school (and that is okay! There is a chance to shift perspectives. I used to be stuck in this belief, too, until my awareness and understanding expanded).
If this is the case, I would invite you for a moment to reflect on the implications of this belief and what messages you are indirectly sending:
You are stuck in understanding that “love” is an action instead of a way of being.
You believe that only certian people are worthy of love, and that love is selective.
You believe that love does not have a place in schools, when in reality love should be at the core of education.
You prevent children from developing a new supportive experience and connection with love.
You stop children from sharing their hearts and perpetuate the societal belief cycle within and beyond schools.
What other implications would this mean?
There is a stigma in schools (and the world) that avoids love. It is clear that “love” is often covered and missing through the actions we observe across settings. Collectively, we hope and want to believe that schools are filled with love; instead, there is increasing bullying, hate, fear, anxiety, and reactivity…where even saying the word “love” is seen as unacceptable.
Yet, what was your original why for becoming a teacher or leader? Wasn’t it based in love? The only way we can begin to change our world is through our schools and through redefining what LOVE is.
What would a heart-centered changemaker do?
Validate the teacher and her concerns, invite her into a short reflection, and create an opportunity to shift a belief:
“Thanks for sharing with me, you are right that we do not often hear ‘love’ in schools…But what if we did? What would it be like if instead, your class embraced the word ‘love’ and co-created the meaning to go beyond an action? I am wondering what ‘love’ means to you and if this is a moment you can have with your class to shift their thinking? What impact could this have on their lives? What are your thoughts?”
I remember she took a small step back and looked to the side, “That is really interesting, I have not thought about this before…” There was a long pause and she looked with a smile, yet holding back tears of compassion, “This really inspires me, I think I am going to find a way to let love shine in my class. I am not sure why it was almost like I thought that ‘love’ was a four-letter word!”
I looked at her and smiled back, “That is beautiful, I am excited to see how bright they will shine!” She smiled and went into her classroom. The fact that she even used “shine” in connection with love reinforces the idea of illuminating and radiating out to share as a way of being.
Reflection Invitation: How are you empowering your self, staff, students, and community as a whole? Is love found within your community–if so where is it strong and where is it absent? What can shift to foster a climate that is based in love? Love does not need to be limited as a ‘four-letter word’, we have the opportunity to change our own beliefs and narratives around love to help our children foster a core value of love.
Action Invitation: Redefine love within your self and the communities you serve. Feel free to share your ideas to inspire others.
Inspired and want support infusing a heart-centered way of being based in love?
P.S. —I love you! Thanks for all who you all and all that you do!
The Butterfly Within Me Sees, Honors, and Values The Butterfly Within You,
